Find me in these fields

Out in the Fields with God

by Elizabeth Barrett Browning

The little cares that fretted me
I lost them yesterday
Among the fields, above the sea,
Among the winds at play,
Among the lowing of the herds,
The rustling of the trees,
Among the singing of the birds,
The humming of the bees.

The foolish fears of what might happen,
I cast them all away,
Among the clover-scented grass,
Among the new-mown hay,
Among the husking of the corn,
Where drowsy poppies nod,
Where ill thoughts die and good are born--
Out in the fields with God.

This is one of my favorite poems.
I had to memorize it in ninth grade, punctuation and all (Thank you, Mr. Pastori).
Imagine my delight when I learned that Josiah will learn it this year in first grade!!
It talks about cares and fears, and how they are lost or thrown away when we spend time with God, when we meet him in the fields, His "turff", and see his bounty, smell the sweetness of his provision, hear the buzzing of bees and the calling of the birds, of whom none fall without His seeing, His knowing.
Even in the tinniest details of His creation, God is so much bigger than we are -- so full of gifts for us, abounding in love and plentiful in his mercies.
Cares and fears, begone!
My God is big and full and generous.
There are things I have faced lately that have obscured this view of God, that have made him small in my eyes, that have made me forget.
I was driving on a quiet road yesterday, and I passed this field (pictured above).
I pulled over to the side, rolled all my windows down and sat there, listening to the crickets playing their last symphonies, watching the sun hit the waving grasses, smelling the sweet smell of the earth and the hay from a few farms over.
I wanted to get out and stand in the middle of that field, to lift my head and raise my arms.
To lose my cares and fears and to remember . . .
Remember who God is, what He has done and how He provides for us . . . for me.
I sat for a long time.
Daniel was dozing in his car-seat.
I prayed.
Thank you, God, for finding me in these fields, these places where I live, everyday. For providing. For loving. For carrying cares and fears. For bringing peace and joy. Thank you!

Home, sweet home

As per your requests, here are some photos of the new abode.
There are some things that are unfinished and some things that will change, but this is pretty much the living space, for now.
I did not take pics of the bathrooms or bedrooms yet, and the two unfinished rooms are not captured on film as yet, either.
I will share those at a later date.
Enjoy!

The back entry way:

The kitchen:

The dinning room:

The living room:

A blast from the past

Are you sitting down?
If not, you probably should be.
I say this because I do not want you to have too far to fall when you collapse on the ground in laughter at what is coming next.
Ready for this?
Are you sure?

Recognize anyone in this photo?

What are those pants?

What was I thinking?
Actually, I'm sporting the height of 80's fashion there.
Yep. A real fashion plate.

This is a picture of me and my best friend, Kia Gaines McCarthy, around . . . oh, I'd say eighth, ninth grade. It was taken at a park in Kearny, NJ during gym class.
Yeah, we look like we're sweating it up and learning lots about physical education, don't we?
Also, notice how the park is entirely concrete.
Crazy!
When I saw this the other night, posted on my high school alumnus facebook page, it certainly brought me back.
I thought I would share it here, for posterity.
I didn't even know this picture existed.
I sure know it now.
And so do you.
Bet you wish you didn't! : )

When the moon hits your eye . . .

Did anyone see the moon last night?!

It was gorgeous! A full moon, it was big, beautiful, hanging low, just above our tree line, shimmering on our dewy field.
I was on my way out to have coffee with a friend. We were meeting at Starbucks at 8 p.m.
Quite a treat for me.
I was running a bit late, and needed to stop for gas, so, after kissing the boys goodnight, I was rushing out the door.
I opened the gate and looked up and BANG! There it was.
It was so stunning that I stopped short, keys in hand, and stood for a long minute (as opposed to a short minute) -- staring.
The air was cool, the last smears of sun still fading in the west, the moon rising in the eastern sky.
But it looked so big, so heavy, so close.
I wanted to touch it.
I felt like if I stood on tip-toes I just might be able to.
I really did say aloud to my self, "when the moon hits your eye, like a big pizza pie . . . " and chuckled.
It all made perfect sense to me in that moment, and I was sure that who ever penned that silly love song must have been looking at a moon like mine.
I headed on the road to meet with my friend, but I called Joe and told him to take the boys outside to have a look at the amazing moon.
I could hear Daniel as soon as it was in his sights . . ."Moon! Moon! Moon! Moon!"
"He definitely sees it," Joe said.
After I hung up with him, I called my mom, who is suffering from a sever cold.
"Have you seen the moon?" I asked.
"No," she croaked out.
"Go to the porch and look at it. You can't miss this."
"Wow! I see it!"
A few minutes of marveling.
"Thanks for sharing that!" mom said.
How could I not?
My history class is studying the beginning of history, the creation, and as I looked at the moon last night, all I could think was what a delight it must have been to make the moon.
God's sense of sublimity is humbling and awe inspiring.
How big is God, to have made a moon so big?
Pretty big.

It's coming on my favorite time of year . . . .

. . . fall!
We are in our rainy season right now, intensified by the tropical storm activity to our south.
This makes me smile.
Still warm, but with a hint of the cooler temps on the way, the rain pit-pats on the window panes, and I am inside, cup of tea in hand, cookies baking in the oven, the kids drawing at the dinning room table, Daniel puttering around, discovering new things about his old toys.
I watch the sky yield with the lazy hum of dishwasher, washing machine, jazz on the radio, life in the background.
I love the late summer rains.
They bring behind them lavish displays of colorful fall leaves.
In a dry year, everything just sort of dries up and blows away.
But this year we have had our share of rain, and then some, so I am looking forward to the burst of fall foliage waiting in the weeks ahead.
Right now, though, it is still too warm for the leaves to change. It is so humid in fact, that we have had quite a crop of toadstools growing up in our back field.
I see them in yards all over town.
Steeped in myth, you can see why people of old crafted stories about them being shelters for wee folk and fairies and enchanted amphibians.
My own wee folk loved picking them and discovering all their hidden parts and magical mazes.

Along with multi-colored leaves, fall also brings with it football! And soccer!
Yes, dear friends, I am a soccer mom.
And a football mom.
And I love it.
Josiah has had two games rained out so far (there was a make-up on Tuesday. They lost, but Jo played hard!)
Isaac has played two games in the pouring rain and has had myriad practices.
This is Isaac's first time playing tackle football, though he has played soccer and baseball before, and it is Josiah's first experience with playing team sports.
Daniel is a great spectator now, but one day, he'll be out there too.
I am having fun watching them learn about themselves and team and others through this process. They have done so well making friends and learning what they can about their games and how to follow their coaches lead and think about the other kids on their teams.
There really are some good life lessons to be had in sports.
It has been busy here, what with all the practices and games and school and settling into the house.
The house is coming along.
It takes a while to settle into a place, to make it your own.
I am still sorting through boxes, deciding what to keep and what to get rid of.
We still have two rooms under construction here (the family room and a guest room), so there is less space than we were living in and our garage is full of furniture and other "stuff".
What I appreciate about moving is that it offers us an opportunity to assess how we live, what we live with and what we can in fact live without.
Living in this house definitely challenges my "get it all done right now" sensibilities.
There is so much potential here for this to be a great house.
But, it will take time.
I can just see God, smiling up there in heaven, nodding his head, saying "yep."
He knows a little something about the process of renovation.
Here are some pics of what we've done so far . . .
and what still needs to be done. . .
School is going well. Latin II is a challenge for me. Sometimes I think to myself, "I'm teaching LATIN?!!" What is that about?"
But, we are getting through it together, the students and I, and a wise teacher I once met from an established classical school in Iowa told me, any Latin our students get are more than they would have gotten, and God will give the grace to the teachers who are to teach it. I think about that every time I crack open my Latin II book!
I love my seventh grade history and literature classes. We are learning about the beginning of history, and reading Paradise Lost in lit.
The boys like their teachers and their classes.
Josiah's room has an "under the sea" theme, and he is having so much fun!!! His teacher is doing a poem a week and weekly catechism with them . . . all the things I would do if I had that at home.
We went out to the ranch last week. Grandpa came with us!! It was so much fun to show him what we know, and to ride for him.
Rachel saddled up a horse we had not met before, Avalon.
I did not think it was possible for a horse to be bigger than Bounder, but I was wrong.
Wider in girth and a bit taller, Avalon is an eight year old, in the prime of his life, and boy does he know it. Let's just say he is not as . . . docile as Bounder.
So who got to ride him?
Me!
I had Rachel lead me around, though. I was pretty nervous at first.
Then we both relaxed, though, and riding him was like heaven.
That's the scoop here. It has been busy.
Notice I am not saying I promise to write more, though that is my intention.
Right now, though, I will finish my tea by the window. I will breathe in the crisp air, clean. I with breathe out silent prayers of thanks for this moment.
And I will leave you with these three faces . . .

Buried Alive! (or Don't give up on me, I'm still breathing)

Hi y'all!
It is me, your long lost bloggin' friend.
I have buried under an avalanche of boxes and books and papers and dirty laundry -- clean laundry too (Lord knows it doesn't fold itself!!) -- and sick kittens and sick kids and lesson plans and meetings . . . you get the picture.
There have been many times I saw something (like the Luna moth outside the school, or the sun setting out our living room window, or the sight of my oldest son in his football gear for the first time etc.) or have experienced something (like the last days of summer, the first day of school, Isaac's initiation into the world of tackle football, the death of a beloved kitty, Josiah's front teeth getting knocked loose, a new kitty, settling into the new house, etc.) and thought, "I need to blog about that!"
But alas, by the time I get home at night, get homework done with the boys (who have more homework than ever! That's how it goes) and everyone fed and through the bath time/bed time routines, lunches made, and my own clothes out for the next day (and that's on a night when nothings going on!!!) all I want to do with my last waking hours or minutes is sit and stare into the abyss that is t.v., or read my latest read, Chosen By A Horse, which had nothing to do with anything else going on in my life right now, and thus can be considered an "escape" for me.
Sounds like I'm whining, I'm sure. Really, I'm just a bit overwhelmed and trying to find time to fit it all in.
I do regret, though, that this is what has suffered. So, in spite of my stupor at the end of the day, I will try to nobly resist the temptation to "veg out" and do something useful with my time . . . i.e. blogging.
A quick update . . . the house is coming along. Probably not as quickly as I would like, but I'm learning to relax a little, too.
School began well. Two days before it started, God dropped ideas about what my classroom is supposed to be like and how it should function. He is always right on time! My classroom is set up like an Italian cafe. Cafe Roma, I call it. There are jars filled with Italian chocolates and biscotti cookies and treats like that. Also, displays of hot cocoas and cappuccino. There is a menu, and the students can "buy" cafe items by redeeming coupons they receive from me for behavior that honors God and for daily participation and contributions to the class. They can also redeem grades of 100 on their tests and quizzes. It has made the classroom so much fun, and the kids are really anxious to "buy" items, which has been seen in their actions and their grades so far.
I am sorry to report that Josiah's kitten, Jaguire, died on Monday. He had a very rare disease that caused his bones to be weakened, and his legs were breaking when he would walk. It was very sad for all of us. Jaguire was a good little cat, and Josiah loved him very much. He was such a good caretaker of him, very gentle and loving and concerned. It broke my heart when we had to tell him Jaguire didn't make it. He was so sad. But he is young, and ever hopeful, and his heart is big with the childlike capacity to love again even after the stinging pain of loss. We got another kitty for him on Tuesday from the local Humane Society. He is a stripety tabby with patches of white on his nose, his chest and his feet. Josiah named him Tiger. So now we have a Tiger and a Tigger. Isaac calls him "Socks" because of his white feet, and Joe calls him Patches O'Peaches, but his name is Tiger, and that is what we will call him.
Isaac's football season started last week. He is so handsome in his gear! The first day of practice, he wasn't sure he liked the whole thing. But now, several practices in, he is loving it more and more. I have to say, sitting out there on folding chairs, watching him practice in the setting late summer sun with the cool of night air beginning to come on, crickets fiddling up for their grand finales, you know that these days are what it is about. My boy is growing up. He's out there on a field of battle, in more ways than one, and I watch him, and I wonder . . . is he ready for all this? Did we prepare him enough for what is happening right now? And I know that in many ways, he is getting, on that field, things we could not equip him with. He is becoming . . . him, and somehow, this is all a part of it.
It is crazy to look at your ten year old boy, who just yesterday was a blond haired baby boy walking toward you with arms outstretched, and to watch him growing up right in front of your eyes!
Daniel remains the best baby in the world, of course, even though at this very moment he is trying to type a blog of his very own. I will add pictures later, and promise to write more often . . . maybe.

We are in like Flynn!!!

We have moved into the house, and are settling in.
We just got our internet up and running here yesterday, so the past few weeks I have had no means of blogging.
But I am back and ready to write.
Just not right this moment, because I am getting ready to take the boys out with mom, Aunt Kat and Patty for an end of summer celebration!

Let them eat . . . fruit (or, adventures in bad parenting)

We are progressing on the house, and have a projected move in date of Monday!
How excited am I?
Very!!
While most of the time over there is spent working on unpacking boxes and finishing touches, etc., some time is spent in the back yard ("the back 40" we affectionately call it) picking apples and blackberries.
The boys love climbing the apple tree to see how high up they can get to pick the fruit.
And the blackberries are so ripe and ready to just be plucked.
Grandpa took about 20 apples from the house the other day, and has promised us a pie on Sunday.
Yum.
Daniel likes the apples.
The other day, he picked one up and carried it around for a long time, throwing it like a ball.
At some point he must have thought, "Hmmm, I bet I can eat this thing."
And that is just what he did.
Now, I know about choking hazards, and so I tried to get it away from him, but it was nothing doing! I watched him closely, and, really he ate it so nicely.
Look how cute he is, eating his apple.

And no choking.
Don't tell my mom! (Hi, Mom! =)
Can you say "skin fruit"?
While we are on the subject of bad parenting, let me do a little soul cleansing confessing here. Also, it will help you to know that not every moment of our lives are the "glossy magazine ad" moments you may think they are.
I lied in front of my kids today.
Bold face lied.
It wasn't even a good lie, and not even for a good reason (not that there EVER is a good reason to lie).
The situation was this: I dialed my mom's office this morning, to say hi and see what her plans for the day were. The problem was, somewhere between dialing and waiting for the receptionist to answer, I lost track of what I was doing.
That, and the phone slipped from my ear a bit (because I was doing something else at that point, other than just waiting for the "Good morning, law offices . . ." on the other end.
By the time I remembered that the phone was on my chest for a reason and I put the receiver back up to my ear, the receptionist, who I know quite well, was saying "Hello? Hello?"
Now, this was embarrassing to me, and I thought about just hanging up, but I did something far worse.
"Hello, Betty? (name changed to protect the innocent in this story) This is Joy . . . I'm so sorry. The baby grabbed the phone from my ear . . . you know how it is. Can I talk to my mother?"
Isaac, who was sitting on the floor, looked over at Daniel, who was across the room, playing with toys in the toy box.
Then he looked at me.
We both knew I lied.
I felt sick to my stomach, like I would throw up.
I don't even know why I did it exactly. I did not want to look foolish and so . . .
It was stupid and I haven't even done anything like that in . . . well, forever, it seems.
Anyway, I talked to mom, hung up and called the boys over to stand next to me.
I had to make things right.
"Boys, Mom just told a lie." I began, voice shaky.
They looked at me with a mix of compassion and curiosity.
"And I was wrong. What I just just did was a sin. And it was for a stupid reason! I just didn't want to look stupid in front of Betty. But I should not have done that. It was totally wrong."
I prayed then, and had them pray for me.
Not a shining parenting moment!
I projected into the future -- my boys, pathological liars, a skill they learned from dear old mom!
And then, I remembered . . . God's mercy and grace are sufficient, even when I fail and fall and don't deserve it.
It made me feel a little better.
Children know.
They know when they are seeing inconsistency.
And we -- human, fallible parents that we are -- are so prone to be inconsistent, to be poor examples at times, to act reprehensibly in front of our children (or when they are not around)!
All we can do is turn to Him in whom is no shadow of turning.
All we can do is repent (in front of our children, if that is who we have sinned in front of or against).
All we can do is cling to the mercy and grace of God, who is just and faithful to forgive us, and cleanse us from all unrighteousness.
And so, I cling.
I cling for all I am worth!

Gone fishin'

My cell phone rang as I was hurrying to get my kids and myself out the door and on to an engagement we had the other night, and I missed the call.
About twenty minutes later, I listened to my voice mail, and there was a message on there from Butch, saying he wanted to know if the kids would like to go fishing in the morning, and would I call him back to let him know.
Would my boys like to go fishing?!?
If you've read this blog at all recently, you'd know. . . YOU BET THEY"D LIKE TO GO FISHING!
Now, you've been introduced to Butch. If you don't remember, he's the hero in my post "VBS is here" (from June 2).
Butch and his wife, Leah, were the first people to invite us to dinner when we started attending the church we are a part of now.
It was our first Sunday, we were newly married and completely new to this part of the country (we hail from New Jersey and New York) and it was our first visit to the church.
After service, Butch and Leah invited us over their house for dinner later that evening.
I was dumbstruck.
"They don't even know us!" I breathed out to Joe on our way to the car.
"I know. Crazy." he said.
It was the last thing we expected, really.
We went to their house for dinner that night, and the rest is history.
But back to the story at hand.
The boys knew something was afoot from listening to my half of the conversation (they are always listening, those little guys) and when they got the whole story, they were dancing around the room, eyes wide.
"Are we really going, mom?" Josiah asked his, voice at fever pitch.
"Yes, yes!" I chuckled and rubbed his bobbing head.
"What do we need to bring? We have to go get new poles!" Isaac sputtered out.
"Call Butch and ask," I suggested.
They did.
He had everything they would need, so they could relax and anticipate their outing in the morning.
When I woke up, the boys were heading down the sidewalk to Butch's truck, and I stuck my head out the door to tell them I loved them and to have a great time.
Of course, while they were gone, I worried, as only a mom can, that they might fall into the water, or . . . whatever imaginable terrible thing that could happen to them might.
So, when Isaac opened the door several hours later and came running into the house to tell me that I had to come see the fish they caught, I was flooded with relief, and ready to see their catch.
And what a catch it was.
Isaac caught a 6 lb. catfish (we weighed it) and a smaller bass and Jo caught a good sized bass too.
Of course, I was so proud of them, and they were so proud of themselves and happy to present their fish.
Josiah, though, still does not want to touch them. He will only touch them with a . . . well, not quite a 10 foot pole.
Anyway, Joe filleted them and later that evening, Ryan cooked them.

I do not like fish very much, especially fresh water fish. I'm pretty much a seafood gal if I'm gonna eat the stuff. But this fish . . . it was so fresh and battered and spiced up just right, and it melted right in my mouth.
Isaac liked it.
Josiah . . . ""I'm never gonna eat fish again in my whole entire life!" he said. I guess he didn't like it so much.
It was such a good experience for the boys.
I believe it is something they will tuck in their pocketful of memories.
"Remember the time we went fishing with Butch and caught that catfish it took us 10 minutes to reel in? . . ."
It is one of many.
They are building up quite a little collection of stories, memories.
And I am too.
Bright little boys eyes gleaming, smell of outdoors on their skin, voices pitched with excitement, pond-y hands pulling me outside to "come and see." Heart proud of my little fishermen.
And many thanks to Butch, who once again was the hero of the story, and will be ever after in the little boys hearts of my sons.
On a side note, my computer has been giving me fits, and it may be sporadic around here until I can get it all worked out.

Here we go again!

Josiah has bronchitis!
I knew it at 7 this morning when I cracked my eyes open and saw him standing there, hands around his throat and tears and panic in his eyes.
"I can't breathe!" he wheezed out.
We went right into the bathroom and turned the shower and faucet on full blast and high heat.
Steam quickly filled the small room, and Josiah relaxed a bit.
A few minutes in there, and then out to the cold air-conditioned air.
It worked, for a while.
I called the doctor and the receptionist got him in this afternoon.
When we arrived, he still sounded like a little seal barking when he coughed, and his breathing was rattly.
The nurse frowned when she listened to his chest and back.
"I'll get a breathing treatment right away," she said.
Turns out, he indeed has bronchitis. Severe, the doctor said.
"His lungs are tight all the way down," she kept saying.
So, now he is on steroids, which make his little, beautiful heart beat so fast.
He is taking them in a syrup and through the nebulizer.
He's all hoarse, and sounds like a six-year-old godfather when he talks. Too cute, let me tell ya, even if it is heartbreaking!
So, we will be in for the next few days, resting and recovering.
Isaac went on to family dinner tonight without us.
Boy oh boy did I miss him.
I also missed me some ravioli and chicken Parmesan.
But Isaac, being the hero he so often is, brought home a big container of it!
Not that we were suffering.
I made pasta fagoli, and Josiah would rather eat that than about anything else on any given day.
He was pretty happy.
Silence has fallen on the house.
The boys are resting, sleeping, hopefully healing.
I sit, typing, and look out at the hot July moon, rising slow and wanning, it's edges smudged and softened by the haze.
The clock ticks on the wall behind me.
I think about things to do tomorrow.
Things to do with the rest of my life.
God is in this moment.
He is in all of them, but in this one, I can see him in the quiet majesty of the moonlight as it spills over the deck and in through the sliding glass doors; I hear him calling me to spend time. . . spend . . . time.
Tomorrow will take care of itself soon enough.
And the rest of my life . . . will just have to wait.
I am off to meet a friend. . .

I am encouraged!

I was encouraged to see that today's "Motivation for Moms" (see my sidebar) directly correlates to my thoughts in my post from last night.
I guess you could say it is a kind of confirmation for me.
Sometimes, I wonder if the way I am going about things is right.
I wonder this all the time, actually.
The cry of my heart is to know the heart of God for my boys, to help them know it for themselves, and to show them how to walk faithfully in everything He has for them.
God has asked Joe and I to do some hard things, take some hard lines, as parents.
Yesterday's post touched on just one of those things: we are to be guardians of our young children's purity.
I believe this with all my heart.
But sometimes it is hard.
And sometimes I wonder if it is really God, or just me who is requiring so much in the raising of our young men.
To be very personal, I second guessed myself a lot after posting last nights entry.
What if I offended parents who do not take such an aggressive stand with what their children are watching and encountering?
What if people thought we were weird or "over the top" because we monitor our children, and still seek to shield them as much as possible from "worldly" influences?
To be even more personal, you can see from my agonizing that I deal with "fear of man" issues.
When I logged on today, and checked my "Motivations for Moms" box, I was awed that God would be so faithful and quick to answer my faithless questions.
This is what I read:

7/23/2008
Pray for purity in the hearts of your children,
and the renewing of their spirit as the Psalmist wrote,
"Create in me a clean heart, O God,
and renew a right spirit within me." Psalm 51:10

Thank you , God, for your faithfulness, even when mine waivers.

Ask Me!

I encountered this book (Ask Me! by Antje Damm) during a recent trip to the library.
I had seen it before, and thought it looked interesting, but this seemed like a good time to "get into" it.
Basically, there is a simple question on each page and it is illustrated with quirky, fun art.
It is designed to get kids talking.
I asked the boys a few questions already, along with their friend Ben, who has been staying with us, and they loved it.
They didn't want to stop!
They had a great time thinking about their answers and sharing them.
Here are some of them:

Q: Who is your best friend?
Isaac: Lots of people are
Josiah: Ben and Isaac.
Ben: Several people . . . pretty much all the people in my class and then Sammy and Isaiah and Aaron. Lots of people too.

Q: What did you do in your mother's belly?
Isaac: Eat and sleep.
Josiah: Back flips.
Ben: Drum beats.

Q:What do you like to smell?
Isaac: Chocolate milk and chicken soup.
Josiah: Watermelon!
Ben: Flowers.

Q: What do you do when you are bored?
Isaac: Read, play games . . . do something!
Josiah: Play with toys, and if mom and dad let me, play on the computer. I could.
Ben: Play video games. Play outside.

Q: Where would you like to live someday?
Isaac: New England. It was [part of] the original 13 colonies!
Josiah: Texas! Ex that. Florida!
[Mom: Why Florida?]
Because they have pools there!
Ben: San Diego

Q: What pet do you wish you could have?
Isaac: A lizard.
Josiah: A cheetah.
Ben: A dog.

It's a great way to see what my kids are thinking in their 10 and 6 year old minds!
And there are no wrong answers.
It has been a great way to connect during our lunch times, or when there is a bit of downtime (which is rare, so it is good that the questions are short and simple and easy to answer).
Anyway, I really recommend it as a tool to help you make connections with your child and see what is important to them at this time of their lives.
I thought it would be interesting to do this once a year, or every other year to see how the answers may change.
More to follow . . .